The Perils of Self Sabotage

6 min readMar 1

Overcoming a Toxic Relationship With Yourself

If you’re like me, you can list 100 things you don’t like about yourself without hesitation. You see your flaws, and maybe you’re hung up on some of them. The issue here is that we stop treating ourselves the way we would treat someone else — usually — and begin a cycle of self-loathing and toxic self-communication.

In a perfect world, we would all embrace self-awareness, self-confidence, self-acceptance, and failure — this world, as you know, though, is far from perfect. So where does that leave most of us?

Stuck in a cycle of trying to stop criticizing ourselves, while simultaneously trying to navigate gaining some self-worth and building confidence.

What does this shit show look like from the outside?

Negative self-talk

One of the most universally recognized ways people display a toxic relationship with themselves is through negative self-talk. This can include telling yourself you’re not good enough, criticizing yourself for every mistake, and comparing yourself to others.

Social media helps feed this tornado of hopelessness.

Learn to recognize when negative self-talk is happening: It can be easy to fall into the habit of criticizing yourself without even realizing it. Take a moment to reflect on the way you speak to yourself throughout the day. Are you kind and encouraging or harsh and critical? I have a tendency to be

Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations: Once you’ve recognized your negative self-talk patterns, it’s time to replace them with positive affirmations.

For every negative thought, try to come up with a positive affirmation to counter it. For example, if you catch yourself thinking “I’m not good enough,” try repeating the affirmation “I am enough” instead.

It may feel awkward at first, but over time, positive affirmations can help shift your mindset and cultivate a more positive relationship with yourself.